Long term relationships are sexually satisfying

Photo by Ian MacKenzie

I love this new research out about couples in long term relationships and sexual satisfaction. Run by the Kinsey Institute, renown for "advancing sexual health and knowledge worldwide," it shows that not only do men enjoy kissing and cuddling but it's actually more important to them than to women, and sexual satisfaction is slightly more important to women. Men also reported being happier if they were healthy and they could make their partners orgasm. These findings seem contrary to popular opinion which makes the study especially interesting.

The study participants were men aged 40-70 and their female partners in relationships as short as 1 year, but on average 25 years long from 5 countries (United States, Japan, Germany, Spain, and Brazil). The more kissing and caressing a couple shared, the more likely they were to be sexually satisfied. And the longer the couple had been together, the happier they were.

These study results show that intimacy between couples leads to happiness and sexual satisfaction. Cuddling and caressing are sweet, intimate acts that people share with each other when they genuinely like each other. Think about it -- how often do you touch someone you don't like? Probably never or at least as little as possible. And the longer a couple is together, the more comfortable they are with each other, and the more comfortable you are with someone, the better the sex becomes because there's greater intimacy between the two of you. The study bears this out: women reported being more sexually satisfied the longer they'd been in their relationship.

This MSNBC article is a pretty cute write up on the study results: The jig is up — guys like to cuddle more. The Kinsey article: Couples report gender differences in relationship, sexual satisfaction over time, and the study results in PDF format.

Medication Abortion

Even if you are using birth control, accidents can happen and nothing but abstinence is 100% safe. An unwanted pregnancy may be one such accident. If you don't want to have or keep the baby, you may consider adoption or abortion. Your decision may be affected by your personal and religious beliefs, your knowledge of and experience in sexual matters, and information you have or will receive regarding your pregnancy. But no matter what, that decision is yours to make. In order to maximize your options, make sure you find out as soon as possible if you are pregnant or not.

There are two abortion options: medication or surgical. The medication option is the easiest and involves taking 2 pills over the course of 2-3 days, but needs to be done within 9 weeks of the first day of your last period. You will need to confirm your pregnancy at the clinic or with your health care provider in order to get a medication abortion.

Procedure: There are two pills to take, then a follow up visit with the doctor afterwards to ensure that the pregnancy has been terminated. If the medication abortion failed, then an surgical abortion will need to be done to complete the process. The medication abortion works 97 out of 100 times.

The first pill stops progesterone and causes your uterus to break down. The 2nd pill is taken within 3 days of the 1st and it causes the uterus to empty. The 2nd pill will probably cause cramping and bleeding that usually lasts for a few hours, and bleeding and spotting that can last up to 4 weeks.

For more complete information, please take a look at the Planned Parenthood webpage on medication abortions and make sure to review all the questions at the bottom and expand for the complete answers.

What's pre-cum?

I grew up my entire life thinking that pre-cum had concentrated amounts of sperm in it and only this past year did I learn how wrong I was. Pre-cum is a bodily fluid and contains (in itself) no sperm. However, it can push sperm out of the penis so it's possible that when it comes out it may have sperm in it from a previous ejaculation. And because it is a bodily fluid there is also the possibility of passing along STDs (like HIV) that are passed along by bodily fluids, but the risks for getting something from pre-cum are much, much lower than with ejaculate.

What is it?

It's a pre-ejaculate fluid produced by the Cowper's gland (aka Bulbourethral gland) in males to clean out the urethra and make it a hospitable place for sperm to pass through by neutralizing the pH and pushing out anything (like urine or old sperm) that is leftover in the urethra. It is usually a clearish, mucusy fluid that comes out of the tip of the penis when a male is aroused, but it may not be visible in all men. Some men produce a lot of it and some only a little.

Can I get pregnant from it?

Again, there is no sperm in pre-cum itself. However, if the male has had a prior ejaculation, there may be leftover sperm in the urethra that can be pushed out with pre-cum. If he has urinated after the prior ejaculation, the chances of this happening are very low.

Can I get HIV from it?

There is the possibility. Pre-cum is a bodily fluid, and studies have shown that it can contain the HIV virus. It's important to note that the concentration of the virus in different bodily fluids can vary greatly. Blood, breast milk, semen, and vaginal and cervical secretions have high enough concentrations of the HIV virus to be infectious, but the concentration of HIV in pre-cum isn't high enough to pose a significant risk. The possibility is there, but the theoretical risk is low.

References

• There are multiple small scale studies, but here's a link to just one study that confirms there is no sperm in pre-ejaculatory fluid


• Is it possible to transmit HIV through pre-cum? on UCSF HIV Insite


• Confused about HIV transmission statistics on Go Ask Alice: this is an interesting answer to a question about how HIV is transmitted and includes a paragraph on pre-cum.

Online guides to sexual positions

Photo by lergik

Some people spend their entire sex lives in the missionary position and enjoy a fulfilling sex life. This might not work for everyone though. If you and your partner are looking for more variety and are interested in exploring different sexual positions, you might be interested in the links below.

Knowing a few different sexual positions can be useful because different people are shaped differently and because penis and vagina sizes can vary. Sometimes a position that is pleasurable for one partner might not work as well with another. The position you're in can change the depth of penetration, ease of movement for either you or your partner, and access to various body parts. These are things to keep in mind if you and your partner are having any issues with a particular position. If you are, try something else. And remember that communication can and usually does enhance sexual pleasure. Being able to communicate to your partner what feels good and what doesn't will increase the chances that your partner will focus on the things that feel good to you.

• SexInfo101 sex position guide lists positions by groups (they call them "families") or you can choose to see all sex positions listed on one page (note that the images are well done 3D representations and not real people). If you click on the image of the position you're interested in, you'll see an animated version of that position and a description. You will also see user comments on that position (which may or may not be helpful to you).


• Lover's Guide: this site doesn't have a page listing sexual positions, but it does have articles related to sexual positioning. Use the search box to search for "sex positions". This site also covers gay and lesbian sex.


• Best Sex Positions has detailed descriptions and video of real couples have real sex. However, not all positions listed have an associated image so you might only get a text description of it.

If you know of any other sites, please feel free to add them in the comments.

About this site

I volunteer on a sex information hotline so I spend several hours a week looking at sex information. I learn something new every week. People have a lot of sex questions because there is such a huge range of information to be had about it. What's common sense to one person is completely new information to another. The topics covered here will range from the mundane to the not so mundane and serve only to inform and possibly entertain, but not to pass any judgment (good or bad) on.